Insipid Detective
by Cuervo-Oscuro
Summary: Yagari was a regular salesman going door to door selling remotes for a living. One day he approaches a weird clients, ends up getting involved in a murder case and many suggestions from the wacko who ended up as his client. YagarixKaien/Yaoi


Author Notes: This takes place in modern world. Detectives, investigations, etc will be involved as the story continues. Yaoi. YagarixKaien.

Insipid Detective

There were about twenty things he hated in the mornings. Dealing with horrible customers,and interacting with weirdos. Specially those who as soon as they opened the door received him with an irritated glance. Yagari Touga wasn't a good salesman, but the job was good enough to live and eat in a shitty apartment.

He groaned and with a blatant tune on his voice spoke to the long haired man in front of him.

"Hello, will you be interested in buying any of our tv remotes that allow you to access freely into a infinite posibilites in browsing through a variety of different networks. All you have to do is sit, relax, and you can enjoy tv like no other."

The client glared irritated, tilted his head and looked at Touga up and down like some kind of alien. Yagari groaned and slowly turned away. Clearly this bastard looked at him like some sore loser obligated to sell a dumb product. Before he could proceed what was invading his body he froze midway in the fancy steps of the apartments he came to sell his shitty products.

He didn't even bother to blink. He turned his head around and saw the hand that approached his ass ,and second later squeezing it playfully.

"Oí! What the hell, bastard!"

"A fly." The man smiled and indeed he picked the fly that had invaded his ass. "I actually am very interested in your product. I'm sorry it's just that lately there has been some scary things happening around my neighborhood. Something about a murder covering himself as salesman, but I doubt you're the killer. Wouldn't you care to show me how the remote works, my tv is very old fashioned. But, I'm in need of such interesting product."

Was it him or something funny was going on with this middle age weirdo. He raised and eyebrow, few people often asked him to show him how the dumb remote worked, but it mean extra cash with his sales points. More points for the free trip the sales department was offering.

Deal with the weirdo for about fifteen minutes, nothing else to lose. He blinked and gazed at the man. He smiled welcoming and offered Touga to enter his apartment.

"Ok." He said and entered the apartment. "I can show your wife how to search for cooking channels, we have a special offer-"

He was abruptly interrupted by a girly gasp from the man.

"Oh, I been dying to get new cooking channels for my new dishes ideas! How wonderful!" He clasped his hands together. Obviously there was no wife in such house. "I'll be back!"

Before he could proceed,the man ran into what seemed the kitchen.

Touga stood immobilized in the middle of the living room. He placed the briefcase in the floor and started to take out the remote. He waited few minutes for the man, it bothered him to stand like a moron in the middle of a strange home, but this was business. He sighed and looked around the room.

To his surprise the living room wasn't as lively as the owner. The walls color were a dirty brown, a large lamp full of dust was close to the old fashion sofa you could see in the 80's. The tv was what caught Yagari off guard. It looked from the nineteenth century. How the hell did the wacko thought he was going to connect to any internet with that thing? Was he fucking around with him?

Well, to most of his questions he thought the answer was that he was being too dumb and played along with the weirdo, because the man after fifteen minutes didn't made any notice of his presence. Yagari tapped his foot, walked around observing every detail of the living room. Didn't knew why the hell he still remained in the apartment. Sometimes he was too polite without him admitting it. Thinking it would be rude to leave without saying it to a person who welcomed him into their home. Or he was plain stupid.

"Sorry for the delay." The man approached a half-sleep Yagari. He placed right in front of his face a tray with a large amount of food and a glass of what seemed home-made orange juice. "Let's eat! Oh before that, I apologize for not introducing myself. My name is Kaien Cross!"

Ok...what was up with the weird set up? Not normal person prepared dinner for a salesman or welcomed strangers into their homes without any good reason. Still, he was acting like a moron and kept playing along.

"Yagari Touga..."

"Please enjoy!" He pushed a spoon into his mouth, Touga almost choked and was about to kick the living crap out of the weirdo, but paused when he passed the food through . It was good.

"Shouldn't you-" another spoonful went through his mouth. This time Kaien smiled and placed the tray in his lap.

"Please sit and enjoy. I lost the remote of my old tv. Don't mind me while I'm looking around trough the living room." Kaien placed his big glasses in the table in front of Touga, he slowly observed Yagari and blinked, never breaking their contact until Kaien smiled and blinked. "Sorry, the glasses irritate my eyes sometimes."

"Yeah..."

He looked at the food and without questioning it he started to eat. He heard the man moving around the room searching here and there, Kaien paused and slowly knelt down to see if the remote was down a small table in a corner. Yagari keep observing him, the man took off the ridiculous and girly coat he had been wearing and placed on the small table. Yagari looked like a dove when he saw how different the man seemed.

Kaien smiled towards Yagari. He wore a elegant shirt and black pants, a little too tight for the eyes of Touga. Kaien smirked and slowly rose from the floor all the while keeping the smug smile and fierce eyes on the salesman. He placed his hands in the walls, long hair decorated his back. Touga had his eyes placed in the back of the man, slowly looking at the lower half of Kaien. Specially when Kaien made a suggestive movement with his hips, his hands still placed in the wall.

The spell was broken when Kaien reached up a furniture to reach for what looked like a remote.

"I think I found it..." he smiled and cheered. The elegance and clumsy way he approached Touga was worth a million from switching on and off out of nowhere his personality. "Now..."

There was no way in hell this job was worth all that was happening to him. Yagari remained silent in the sofa, he blinked twice when Kaien pointed at him with the gun he had taken from the furniture. He wasn't looking for the remote all along../

"Now, Mister Killer. Why don't we end this charade." Kaien placed the gun directly in Yagari's head. Touga blinked and slowly rose. Not caring at all at the gun in his head. " A brave one,huh."

"Look Wacko. I don't give two cents why you doing all this but the minute you point a fucking gun on my head. You're fucked."

"Is that so?" Kaien smiled.

Touga rised his fist, but Kaien moved in time to evade him. The man never used the gun, they chased each other with movements they each had learn on their own. At some point Kaien kicked him straight to the stomach and Yagari fell down. Kaien gazed and blinked.

"Wow."

"You fucker..." Yagari growled. "Just wait until I get a report on your ass with the police."

Kaien gazed at him. The look disturbed Yagari. He wasn't mad or mocking Yagari from his defeat. He gazed at him as if he was some kind of new puppy just given to him.

"Oh, no! Don't worry I'm actually a detective!"

Yagari blinked.

"What?"

"Got movements were amazing! Where did you learn them from? Did you worked in the special forces? I see! You must be retired. Are you living by yourself? Are you married?"

"What?" How the hell did he knew all that?

"Oh I'm a old school guy! I specialized in reading and figuring out people by looking at their body language and way of acting. Are you living by yourself? Interests?"

"Slow down Wacko. Why the hell did you tried to kill me?"

Kaien threw the gun away and stood too close to Yagari's face. Touga flinched a little. The smile and cheerful eyes made a part of Yagari tremble with confusion.

"I apologize. I'm currently working in a case involving the murders of many people around this area. I had rumors about a salesman probably involved in the killings." He smiled and slowly helped Touga to get up."My deepest apologies."

Yagari growled and was about to run for the door, but Kaien pulled him from his jacket before he could even move a muscle. He blinked and looked angry at the man, but before insulting him Cross talked.

"Would you like to help me with the case?" His eyes glittered and pleaded like a kid. Excited at the proposal Kaien hugged Touga when he simply tried to move away. "There wouldn't be no for an answer! I'm top detective in the world. But, I can be bottom if you want me to..."

The whisper in his ear made Yagari blush and push away the wacko.

"Why the hell do you-"

"Have your wallet..." Kaien indeed had Yagari's wallet and triumphantly smiled. With that he shut the door with a loud bang, pulled Yagari and pushed him into the kitchen. "I'll prepare some snacks. Partner!"

"Wait a minute-"

And so Yagari got involved with a Wacko, and a case of murder.

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Thanks I will keep Kaien badass and sweet. I love his personality. You're in for a treat Yagari XD. This two introduced me to Yaoi. The most random fanfic I found and still love to this day.

I think there might be Lemon in the future.


End file.
